Can Pre Marriage Counseling Help Solve Relationship Dilemas?

counseling for couples

Pre marriage counseling with Christian counselors is usually mandated by the Church prior to a marriage ceremony. There are secular alternatives with licensed counselors that couples may choose as well. These classes can range from one hour to forty hours and cover topics about how to handle conflict, how to make decisions together, how to communicate and strategies for increasing marital satisfaction. Though many people view relationships as being intensely personal, the advantages of preventative care and maintenance are overwhelming.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.

Generally when you go for pre marriage counseling, you’ll develop a rapport with the family marriage counselor and you’ll be given the Pre Marital Inventory (PMI) test. This quiz will examine areas such as interests and activities, role expectations, personal adjustment, interpersonal communication, religious philosophy, marriage expectations, family issues, finances, children and parenting, and sexuality. The purpose of this test is not to tell you whether to get married or not, but rather to identify strengths and weaknesses, arming you with the tools you’ll need to make it through your marriage successfully.

Another area that rubs spouses the wrong way is the subject of children. These pitfalls can be uncovered during pre marriage counseling so there are no surprises later. In some cases, couples aren’t planning on kids for at least a few more years. Does one person want them but the other does not? Who will stay home and care for the kids? How will roles and responsibilities be carried out? How can the couple save to plan for this new expense? In other cases, divorcees are entering their second or third marriages trying to reconcile two families together. What is expected of them by their new spouse and their spouse’s children? How can you help your own children grow to appreciate and respect your new love? The balance can be difficult. The best thing to do is visit marriage family counselors and sort it all out beforehand.