They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If your girlfriend is now your ex, you probably understand the truth of that statement. If you could only get a second chance, you’d show her how much you love her. You can learn more about making up with your ex boyfriend here.
How then can you get a second chance with your ex girlfriend? The answer is that you have to know the main reason why you broke up. That will determine how you try to get her back.
The first reason for breaking up is that you wronged your ex. You either cheated on her or you were too controlling or too jealous or too demanding and she dumped you. At some point it got to be too much and she told you to take a hike.
A second big reason relationships end is because of relationship drift. She just isn’t that into you anymore. Maybe she got bored or started to feel unappreciated and unloved. She lost interest in you as a lover over time.
So if you understand why she left you, then you’ll know which approach to use to get her back. Let’s say you cheated on your ex girlfriend. You wronged her. Then the approach to use is to make a Smart Apology. This is a particular kind of apology that is emotionally powerful and can begin to repair the damage you caused by wronging her. You can learn more about resolving relationship conflict specifics here.
A smart apology has several steps to it. But the thing is you don’t even say you’re sorry til the third or fourth step. First, you fess up to what you did. You don’t try to avoid blame, you take responsibility. Then you let her vent, and get things off her chest. You just listen and don’t try to argue.
If you can do those two things before you apologize, you are halfway home to restoring her trust and making her feel heard and understood. Too many guys just keep saying they are sorry til they are blue in the face and it makes no difference. A Smart Apology will impact your ex girlfriend emotionally.
What if she left because she isn’t into you anymore? Relationship drift? Then you need to follow a different approach, as an apology isn’t the answer. You can find out more about this in a free course here. Getting your ex back involves a lot of relationship intelligence, but this is a good way to start the process. Get your free course on getting back together here.
Filed under Relationships by on Aug 9th, 2009. Comment. 
Most of us think that when trust is broken in a relationship, it is almost impossible to rebuild. However, if you wronged your partner and broke their trust (say, by cheating on them), it can be rebuilt if you follow a few important steps. You can learn more about getting back together here.
The first step is to flat out accept blame. You don’t give lame excuses, you don’t argue or defend or explain that it didn’t really mean anything. You admit, for example, that you messed up and in this way: I cheated on you. This is crucial. When we’ve been wronged one of the things we want to understand is that our mate knows they did wrong. Do they understand that or do they somehow think what they did is not that big of a problem. This first step handles this for your mate, it clarifies that you aren’t going to b.s. them and will take responsibility.
That is a great start! It is entirely different from all the bs we usually get when there is a problem in a relationship. I screwed up and I’m owning up to it is a very powerful thing” if you mean it and don’t keep screwing up.
The second step builds on this. You then say something like “I know I hurt you, and here is the hurt I think I caused you.” You can learn more how to get your ex back specifics here.
Your partner is hurting over what happened. So you own up to their hurt feelings as well, since you caused them! “I know I caused you pain, and left you broken hearted…”
Amazing! This too is different from what your mate expects to hear. Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused. You’ve not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.
You’ve got to describe the pain some, using the best words you can. This is exactly what Emotional Logic sounds like. At this point, you want to make sure your ex feels like you understand him/her. You cant skip this step, even if you are a man and, like many men, aren’t comfortable talking about emotions. For the skill to work, your ex has to feel like you really understand the pain you caused by what you did.
When most of us say “I’m sorry!” it doesn’t work because the apology doesn’t include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you’ve done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but this is a great start. Go here for a free course on How To Have Loving Marriage Help.
Filed under Relationships by on Aug 9th, 2009. Comment.
Were you too controlling in your relationship? Did he/she kick you out because you smothered them, were too bossy and demanding? Did you have to know where they were at all times and try to make them spend their free time with you? Were you too much in control? You can learn more about Get Ex Back In Just Hours here.
Doing these kinds of things should cause a healthy person like your ex to hit the eject button on your relationship. After a short while controlling behaviors smother your mate and they lose their interest in being with you quickly.
Ok. Now here you are all alone again. Maybe its been a week or a few months. You are missing your ex terribly. You want them back in your life. Is there anything you can do to bring them back to you?
The answer, honestly, is that it depends. Some controllers created too much pain for their ex to ever take them back. Some controllers will need therapy before they can really expect to have any healthy relationship. Confusing power over with love will destroy the intimacy in any relationship.
You may, however, get your ex back if you didn’t cause irreparable harm. And that begins with seeing that power over and need and dominance are not the same as love and intimacy. If you see that controlling behaviors like keeping them from friends and making them account for their time away from you is not healthy, that is a good beginning.
The question is, did you learn something from the experience of being dumped by your mate. If so, that is something that can actually help you get your ex back. You can get a complete system for Get Ex Back here.
The next step is to have a special 20 minute or so conversation with your mate. In this conversation you have to accomplish several things. Acknowledge the damage you caused them, let them vent to you about how you hurt them, and then convince them that you truly have learned from your mistakes and won’t repeat the behavior. It isn’t easy, but if you can accomplish those things you can make room for your ex to begin considering you in a better light. We all like to feel we have helped people to learn things in life.
We don’t have room for all the in depth details, but start with these two steps and you may be able to get them back. If you have learned from your mistakes and can convince them of that fact, they may be willing to try dating you again. Go here for a free course on How To Make Relationships Work.
Filed under Relationships by on May 19th, 2009. Comment.
